I am offering you the gift of myself. Pieces of my heart, soul, life, and loves in the form of a photo-journal. Sharing with you pictures, words, glimpses into my personal 3-year transformation/ transmutation too Unleash my Wild Gypsy Soul, Embody my Bombshell Bliss, and embrace my Forbidden Feminine. All of which are archetypes of the Sacred Divine Feminine. This is my journey to enhance, reclaim and re-member my divine feminine power.
Date: January 8, 2015
Location: Lobby of a high rise building in mid-town Manhattan.
Plot twist: Life changing curve-ball from the Universe and the fourth most significant loss in my life.
Action: I’m exiting the elevator into the lobby after just leaving an audition. I reach into my purse and turn on my phone. I’ve got a missed call from Larry. I had rejected the call while I was waiting to be seen at the audition and turned off my phone. I’d already spoken to him a few hours earlier that morning and I thought he could wait to speak to me. I hit re-dial as I stepped into the lobby.
Cindy his assistant answered. I told her I was returning his call and asked to speak to him. She told me she had been trying to reach me and that there had been an accident. Larry had fallen from the roof of the house.
As she spoke I started into that “oh no, now what?” energy. Thinking, now I’m going to have to go back to L.A. to take care of him and I have this thing happening and that thing. Ugh. My mind instantly soared back to the time he’d called me from the top of his “mountain” in L.A. He owned an amazing piece of canyon property in the Hollywood Hills that was built as a hunting lodge in the early 1900’s, his backyard was unbuilt hillside (the wilderness in L.A. standards) that went all the way up to Mount Olympus. On the occasion I flashed back too, Larry called me saying I had to get there immediately because he had just broken his ankle hiking up the canyon. I dropped everything to go to him and I was complaining to myself the entire way, thinking it was likely a wild goose chase and he just was just being a baby and he could have handled it by himself.
When I got there, there was an ambulance and paramedics lifting him on a stretcher down the hill and his foot was dangling from the ankle at an unnatural angle. He was really hurt, I felt foolish and mean spirited for every complaint I had made to myself on the ride there.
I snapped my attention back to the present and asked Cindy something like, “Oh no, did he break his leg?”.
She answered me in a hoarse whisper, “he’s gone.”
I hear her without comprehension and say “what?”
“He’s gone, he died,” she tells me.
I say, “No.”
She says, “Yes.”.
I say, “No, oh no!”, and the lobby goes all wobbly.
I think it should be spinning. I should be fainting now, shouldn’t I? Why am I still standing and why can’t I breathe? I want to scream and I can’t breathe, or stand, or sit, or faint.
I say “No.”
She says “Yes.”
And my life changes forever.
I take the next flight I can get onto it is a red eye to L.A. I’ve not been back to NYC. I’ve not been back to the girl I was back then. I was literally catapulted out of one life and smashed into another. These next blog posts are stories of my journey as I put the pieces of my shattered life back together.